Nick

My rubber ducky is stalking me

2008-01-28T09:54:00.000+08:00

As the title reveals, my rubber ducky and I are having problems. And, as with any other situation involving psychotic waterfowl, this is a problem that will not simply sort itself out. Nor will it be easily solved.

Granted, I do, in fact, realize that there is a terribly, terribly fine line between "squeaky bathtub companion" and "scarily obsessive stalker," but I do so believe that my rubber ducky has finally crossed over that line. No longer does he float innocently along in the bathwater, smiling up at me from the warm suds of soap. No longer does his cheerful yellow disposition actually appear "cheerful." No longer are his tiny quacks filled with glee.

Yesterday, when I got out of my shower, I found a message slashed through the steam on the mirror. "SOMEBODY HERE HAS DRY SKIN," it said, with various misspellings that I'm fairly confident it got from me trying to work on vocabulary homework in the shower for years, "AND THAT SOMEBODY IS YOU!!"

I frantically looked around the bathroom, and there, sitting in my soap dish, was my rubber ducky. With a beak suspiciously moist from condensation.

My friend Samantha is a specialist in the psychiatry of small, fake animals. Once I had finally admitted that there was a problem(which is, of course, the first step) I made an appointment for my rubber ducky and I to try and sort out our problems.

She tells me it is really not a big deal. She says that we are only having a simple communication problem.

"The duck needs change," she says. "He has developed a severe discomfort for the environment in which you have placed him. Perhaps you should look into buying a new shower curtain."

So I go out, and I buy this new shower curtain for my duck. It's green; it has caterpillars on it. I figure, hell, what duck doesn't like caterpillars?

My duck, apparently, does not like caterpillars.

This morning I was in the kitchen, making breakfast. Pancakes, you know, no problem, until it became time to actually mix something. I opened the refrigerator door to get the milk and eggs--and there, slightly blue from the cold, sat my duck. He'd opened the top of the milk, and was currently in the process of dropping live caterpillars (not unlike the ones on the shower curtain) in the milk, one by one. A small green plastic lizard, which I recognized from Halloween in fifth grade, was helping him.

That rubber duckling's crossed the line--and there's no telling who will cross over next.

Protection

2006-11-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

U know who you are..
So matters not if anyone knows u like before or even whether they want to know who you are anymore..

Others are what they are..
U chose to leave it, I'm sorry to tell them, but they have to take it..

Leave, free like the wind, like u are..
They dun deserve your presence.. Why bother to even turn, nonetheless to speak?

Love's always in the air..
There's no wrong claim to love, is there?

U want to let go and u did..
With no one and nothing to stop you..

There are many irritants, surprisingly mostly males,
On the roads, worse than many others around u, indeed..

U are attractive and appealing..
Why should anyone be worried that u have no choices?
Others are how they are, what they are..

U are how u are, what u are..
Who is anyone to judge our worth?

U are in your world, we all are in ours..
So what's with people telling us to go back to our own?

U are who u are..
Live life like u are..

-Stupid Nick-

Truth

2006-11-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

Hurting another doesn't mean u wish to,
Hurting oneself doesn't mean u want to,
Saying i do, doesn't mean u meant to,
Saying i'm not yours, hopefully, doesn't mean true..

-Nick-

showing u

2006-11-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

Saying something doesn't mean he cares..
Showing some care doesn't mean he loves..
Loving someone doesn't mean he's there..
But loving u, simply means eternity..
For now, i guess.. kai xin jiu hao..

~Nick~

My Valentine

2006-11-04T09:45:00.000+08:00

I finally found someone,
One who knocks me off my feet,
One who makes me feel complete...

It started over coffee,
We started out as friends...
It's funny how from simple things,
The best things begin...

I have been waiting for you all of my life,
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly...

I've dreamed of this,
And in my dreams i couldnt love you more,
I will give you my heart until the end of time..

This time is different and it's all because of you...
It's better than it's ever been,
Cause we can talk it though...

I love it when u say "Can I call you sometime?",
It's my favourite line,
And all you had to say to take my breath away...

If I kept you waiting,
I hope you wouldn't mind...
I apologise, baby, I hope it's fine...
I would wait forever, just to know you were mine...

You know I love your hair,
You know it always looks right...
I love what you wear, never worry it's too tight...
You're exceptional, I can't wait for the rest of my life...

If there were no words and no way to speak,
I would still hear you...
If there were no tears and no way to feel,
My feelings are still there for you...

If the sun refuse to shine,
And romance ran out of rhyme,
My heart is still yours,
Until the end of time...

I finally found someone,
Someone to share my life...
I finally found the one to be with every night...

'Cause whatever I do,
It's just got to be you...
My life has just begun,
Cause I finally found someone...

You're all i need
My love, my valentine

I love you, darling, i really do...

~Nick~

Loser

2006-10-26T13:19:00.000+08:00

I spell my name with a starting L,
It's just so simple it always rings a bell..
I know for sure this name will gell,
With the person I am this really swell..

the past 5 months was pure living misery..
even though i thought i had gotten over u, i knew i hadn't..
i miss u so much my heart has been totally engulfed..
i know no longer which girl to love anymore..
i miss u Andrea, my life has been so incomplete without u..

*LOSER Nick*

Fuck

2006-10-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

在我未来的每个画面里都有你的面孔。。。
可惜在你未来的画面里根本没有我的踪影。。。

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck

~Nick~

Missing U

2006-09-25T13:01:00.000+08:00

I miss your blanket,
like e earth misses e sky..

I miss your cuddle,
like a baby misses hers..

I miss your lips,
like mine misses yours..

I miss U,
Like night misses dawn..

Now misses memories of nostalgia,
I wonder if U miss me so..

-Nick-

knocking sense

2006-08-29T02:50:00.000+08:00

A girl told me that the world doesnt revolve around me..
i need to snap out of my egoistic behaviour and get a real hang on myself..

check out some quotes. i love them. its so fucking heartfelt.

"The brooding poet who has been wrongly abandoned by this world that doesn't know of your tender, breakable soul."

"Everything about the way you do things screams "Take Care of Me". Well I have news for you. Love isn't about someone else taking care of you. No relationship is, not friendship, not romantic love... "

"The best thing you could do for the people you love is to be so strong they don't have to worry about you. That's the most unselfish thing anyone could do. Because if you're stronger, you're not taxing other people's efforts. They can concentrate on other things. Like I don't know, having a bit of fun once in a while instead of sitting in the dark, at midnight, strumming a guitar and thinking of rhyming couplets. "

"Grow up a little. The world does not revolve around you, no matter how much you think it's bending its cosmic energies to making you miserable. You're not important enough for the whole universe to conspire in making your life hell. Stop being so egoistic. If things don't go your way, deal with it."

thanks Lin, no one truly knows me like u do..
i see light..

-Wen-

2006-08-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

Having her by my side and missing her,
But unable to love her and possess her..

I feel terrible..

~miserable nick~

Life is beautiful

2006-08-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

I suddenly found a desire in pursuing my love for life and e things i love doing.. I see again Life as a beautiful path to track on, a process of indecent decency.. Love is wonderous once more.. Hell i love life.. Greatest is love and so she is..

Thanks, for breathing life into me when i needed it, like u always did..

*Life is beautiful*

~Nick~

depress

2006-08-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

Friends come and go..
Who are true?
Who are real?
Who can i trust?
Who can i depend on?
I can provide u my shoulders..
I can give u a shelter..
Now i need both..
Can i look to u?
Where are my friends?
I am but just another ordinary person..
I am no superman..

I yearn for simplicity..

I yearn for basic comfort too..

*depressed*
~Nick~

Andrea

2006-07-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

Never was there a moment i stopped thinking about u..

I miss u,
Like the flowers miss the morning dew..

I hoped for u,
Like the clouds that hold steadfast for the gentle breeze..

I wish we were inseparable,
Like the rainbow stay faithful to after rain and shine..

I endear our moments together,
Like the morning sun merges with the sparkling sea..

I yearn for our love to be,
Like the edges of the oceans and the skies that meet endlessly..

Your presence never left me..
Your memory never faded..
Your voice always lingered in my ear..
Your smile always stayed afresh in my mind..

I love u, still..
As i always did..

-Nick-

dumbfounded

2006-07-03T04:14:00.000+08:00

When i think back our relationship, i always felt confused..
U're the one who wants me to tell u my problems..
Only for me to realise that e reason u left me was because u found my problems yr burden..
I never did ask u to carry them for me, only for u to rest yours on my shoulders..

*totally dumbfounded*
*why am i still thinking abt it? fuck..*

-Nick-

If

2006-07-01T14:03:00.000+08:00

If there's really a God up there
Show me the way..

If U claim an undying and endless love for me..
Give me my days..

If life does not want to be kind..
Take me away..

If fate brings me a world with no love..
May my destiny be chartered with a path of thorns..

If i die,
Will people remember me?

If i die,
Will my friends weep for me?

I wonder who are true friends out there..
I wonder who show me true care..
I wonder why i'm treated this way..
I wonder why i'm so unaware..

Im tired...

-Nick-

Birthday

2006-06-29T13:51:00.000+08:00

A day i first cried to this world i came
The moment i embraced life with which i claimed
A day i wished i had her by my side
But the day most important she placed aside
She totally forgot today
Afterall, things that happened were just yesterdays
I cried on my day
With which Today is a sad birthday

*23 today*

-Nick-

Hero

2006-06-28T02:22:00.000+08:00

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

-Hero, Mariah-

*i am a hero!!!*

-Nick-

New Horizons

2006-06-28T01:43:00.000+08:00

TRYING TO RECOVER
FROM A LOVE THAT HURT
A LOVE THAT HAD BEEN ONE-SIDED
A LOVE THAT NEVER EXISTED

I DREAMT OF THE UNTHINKABLE
TO FIND HER LOVE WAS NOT
THAT THE DREAMS WAS FOGGED
FINALLY REALISING ALL WAS NOUGHT

MY HEART IS SHATTERED
WITH HER DECEIVING INTENTIONS
A LOVE SO PURE
I ACTUALLY FOUND HER DEMURE

A FOOL I WAS
I ALWAYS WAS
TO STEP INTO A TRAP SET
THE MOMENT I TOOK THE BET

I WISHED I HAD NOT BEEN SO SERIOUS
BUT REGRETS WASN'T PRECARIOUS
THE FEELING'S REAL BAD
TO KNOW THIS TAD

I FELT CHEATED
THE LIES WERE TOTALLY REPEATED
I'VE HAD BECAME SUCH A LOSER
WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A POSER

I'M NOT AN ACTOR
PLEASE DO NOT TREAT THIS AS A FACTOR
I DO THINGS WITH DIGNITY
DO NOT TREAT ME WITH INGENUITY

I WAS ALWAYS TRUE
AND I WISHED U KNEW
BUT THE FACT U WITHDREW
THE REALITY BREW

U LEFT WITH A HURTFUL NOTE
LADEN WITH IMMENSE PROBE
YOUR ACTIONS NOW NO LONGER HURT
BUT THEY TICKLED LIKE DIRT

U FOUND A NEW HORIZON
THAT WITH MUCH AMAZEMENT
A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOUND WITH EASE
MAY GOD BLESS U WITH PEACE

*evil ppl live to enjoy the best of life*

~Evil-wannabe-Nick~

2006-06-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

小羊走了，它找到了自己的伴侣。。。野狼再也得不到它，永远无法把小羊变成嘴里的羔羊了。。。野狼只能在远处默默的看着小羊，保护着它。。。

HuRt

2006-06-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

I feel so hurt..
Things are so hazy now..
I am at a loss at what to do..
I have no idea how to carry on..
I thought i had found the one..
She said i'm the one and only..

I guess i'm the one and only idiot around..

2006-06-22T13:24:00.000+08:00

世界真的有爱，一直到未来吗？

i really wana believe..

未来

2006-06-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Love pierce like a thousand daggers
Into the heart so fragile and swagger

I loved a love that hurts
But regrets not i purged

I want to share my world with u
I want a world with u

In the frenzy world, my passion lies in u
In the hectic society, my calmness lies with u

U bring me the rays of hope
Yr presence give me the strength of dope

I love u, i really love u..

在我未来的每一张画面里，都有着你。。。
但在你的未来的每一张画面里，可惜都没有我的踪影。。。

-Nick-

爱的未来

2006-06-21T10:07:00.000+08:00

每当凌晨的两点半
当DJ又播那首歌
又传来熟悉的旋律
你的笑容浮现在我脑海
好想写封信给你
告诉你我的心情

不要对我有什么怀疑
我只想和你在寂寞的夜里
拉近我俩之间的一段距离
再也不需要什么承诺
更不需要说什么言语
把她藏在心里永不分离

我愿用我一辈子的深情为你朝夕灌溉
因为你是我的未来
因为你是我唯一的爱
我不在乎别人笑我太傻
我不在乎别人的看法
因为真的有爱
一直到未来

Fools, unite

2006-06-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

Amazing ppl we are, we rule the night
Estactic behaviour we possess, we have no fear we bite
With ppl cursing us from behind, we show them who's in might
What's the big deal? we exclaim! Just get outta our sight

We do what we want, we have ourselves to answer to
We live our life the way we want, we die and not u
We get names like dumbass and small kids, but we love those names, dun u?
We love to love like nobody cares, so what if we're fools?

If u hate our near perfect style and arrogance, just too bad i say
Go to bed and stop whining i beg u, if u really cannot bear
For we do what we please, we choose what we believe
For fuck sake, be good then and go to hell, anyhow we'll see u there as well

I love her and i want to love her, do u guys really care?
I want her and i choose to need her, what have u ppl to say?
I have my own life, i have plenty to choose, but i choose her, so what if i dare?
I go against all odds, i go thru hell, big deal, u think i care?

I choose what i think good
I promulganate my choices what i feel good
I live my way what i believe is good
I want to love the way i want good

So all my fellow comrades who have the same belief as me
Come join me and expand our glory
For what we may be ostricized and mocked at
In love, we shall overcome all masked dignity

Fools of the world unite..

*Biggest fool of all*

-Nick-

wonder...

2006-06-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

He sits in the dark
And stares at the sky
With the moon shinin bright
As he wonders why
No one seems to care
He just wants to cry
He's hurtin inside
As people pass him by

But life goes on
He doesnt know why
Things just seem to get worse
Then here comes the tears
He cant stop the rain
From pourin down
He's alone in this world
Theres no one around

Why is he the only one
Who seems to wonder why
He just wants to leave
And not even try
Cuz he's tired of all the drama
Yelling and fights
He wants to get out
So he just might

He tries to hide
And wear a fake smile
So no one will know
What he hides for miles
Then he stops
And here comes the rain again
That he wants it to wash
Away all of his pain

There no one around
To help him through
All the things in his life
If only they knew
Then they wouldnt wonder why
He had to hide
Behind all that smiling face
Behind the mighty fath

Alone in this world
They never tried
Time after time
He always seems to fail
Maybe one day
He'll just set sail
Out of this place
Nothing left for her now

He needs to get away
But he doesnt know how
As he crys out
He yelled for someone
To take him away
He trys to run
But there's no escape
And there's no back door

He's trapped
He's stuck
He falls to his knees
Only to the floor he hits

-Nick-

What About Me

2006-06-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Well there's a little boy waiting at the counter of a corner shop
He's been waiting down there, waiting half the day
They never ever see him from the top
He gets pushed around, knocked to the ground
He gets to his feet and he says

What about me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now i want my share
Can't you see i wanna live
But you just take more than you give

There's a pretty girl serving at the counter of the corner shop
She's been waiting back there, waiting for her dreams
Her dreams walk in and out they never stop
Well she's not too proud to cry out loud
She runs to the street and she screams

What about me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now i want my share
Can't you see i wanna live
But you just take more than you give

So take a step back and see the little people
They may be young but they're the ones
That make the big people big
So listen, as they whisper
What about me

And now i'm standing on the corner all the world's gone home
Nobody's changed, nobody's been saved
And i'm feeling cold and alone
I guess i'm lucky, i smile a lot
But sometimes i wish for more than i've got

What about me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now i want my share
Can't you see i wanna live
But you just take more than you give

What About Me- Shannon Noll

她

2006-06-18T03:13:00.000+08:00

我知道你有很多朋友，没有我培你出去，你也根本不在乎。没有我在你身边，你也一样过得很开心，很充实。

这几个礼拜我遇上了一些问题。我非常想看到你，听到你的声音。好希望在我身边支持我的人就是你。

你说你真的还很爱我。你说你真的还很想我。你的话使我更加要把你追回来。可是当我看到你和他在一起有说有笑，又开心的左拥右抱，我真的好难过，失望，极度妒忌。我似乎失去所有的信心和把握。希望几乎一切都消失了。

我不知道为什么那么爱你，那么不舍得你，那么的想你。我这么做可能傻，但我一点也不后悔。

如果只能在心里爱你，那，也算是很美的了。。。

-Nick-

my life

2006-06-17T14:01:00.000+08:00

A life of deceit
A life of lies
A life of dishonesty
A life of fear
A life of irresponsibility
A life of infidelity
A life of ill-discipline
A life of irregularity
A life of sorrows
A life of shame
A life of escape

Thoughts

2006-06-15T12:28:00.000+08:00

I'm missing u, again. But i dare not let u know for fear u cant take the stress and choose to leave my life altogether. I love u not because i need u, but i need u because i love u..

I wish i can become a bottle of DIOR perfume in my next life. because i know there's a chance and always a hope that 1 day u will buy me and use me such that i can be with u everyday till i'm gone and vanquished..

I wish i can be by yr side every nite during bedtime to gently whisper to u to close yr eyes and go to sleep. With a small prayer that all yr sweet dreams will come true.. "Come to me now, come to me.. I'll cradle u to sleep.."

-Nick-

思念

2006-06-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

好想你，可是又不敢给你电话。怕我一而再，再而三的打给你，会令你感到反感，怕你觉得我很讨人厌。我忘不了我们在一起的那段日子。虽然时间短暂，但不曾没开心的时光。还深深记得我们甜蜜的每时每刻。一起吃麦当劳早餐，一起喝蜜桃汁，一起躺在彼此的怀里享受着柔和的音乐，让我看着你慢慢的入眠。我真的好怀念。或许你离开我会更好过一些。要是如此，我从心底祝福你快乐。希望你知道，不管怎样，还是会有这么个大傻瓜一直等着你。他从未也不会离开。他一直都躲在你心里的某个角落，悄悄的爱惜着你，守护着你。。。

*Fate is about meeting another person and perhaps be with that person unexpectedly.. Destiny on the other hand is about meeting another person and be with that person in a somehow pre-arranged manner by the one up there.. I believe in destiny, but i believe in fate even more simply because i can mould my own fate.. I believe strongly in myself, in u, and in us.. We can create a fate of our very own, only for u to accept our destiny..*

深爱着你

-Nick-

True Love

2006-06-14T17:30:00.000+08:00

All my life i was afraid that i'll never find love,
And now that i've found it, i'm afraid i'll lose it..

It breaks my heart to see my love with another,
But it is more painful to know she is unhappy with me..

You came from no where and in no time got close,
Not to me But to my heart..

I love u not because i need u,
But i need u because i love u..

When i cry i see u in my tears,

But i dry them up quick, hopeful u'll never be in tears..

*Lucky is the man who has a woman's first love,

Luckier is the woman who has the last love of a man..*

-Nick-

right here waiting

2006-06-13T09:41:00.000+08:00

i thought i could forget her and move on.. but she remains strongly etched in my heart.. i want her back, i need her back.. but there she stay rooted in her fortress of emotional defense, afraid to come out and embrace the truth..

Dun leave me
Dun forsake me
Dun abandon me..

Be there for me
Like u promised u will..

Be there always
Like u once told me..

Be by my side and never be away
Like we once crossed our hearts and said to thee..

I will be right here waiting for u
To be back with me once again..

-Nick-

She

2006-06-09T11:33:00.000+08:00

A post a day keeps my boredom away..
A few words a day keeps her in my mind till today..

I wished for her presence,
Through the doors of my heart de entrance..

The lovely sillouette of her amazing grandeur,
Fills my life with unmistakable splendour..

But alas she left,
In a step so deft..

A void she made in me,
So empty indeed..

-Nick-

06/06/06: mark of the beast

2006-06-06T17:04:00.000+08:00

A day of boredom..
I wished for freedom..
I yearn for great wisdom,
So as to obtain my own kingdom..
Hoping one day to enjoy my personal triumph..

Today's the mark of the beast..
That's what i think, at least..
I never know how to appease,
Her anger with me on leash..
I honestly do want peace..

Friends are never one too many..
Fiends are everywhere aplenty..
U may find them all in sync,
But I had my lessons with a sting..
I learnt to take things with a pinch..

Never in my life i felt so high,
Till the moment she took her ply..
She came to me all so mild,
I took to her all so wild..
That i think i'll love her to the day i die..

Though all had been said and done,
The relationship is all through and gunned..
I stick to my word i told her in pun,
My love for her will never run..

*kiss: an upper PREPARATION 4 a lower INVASION that'll lead 2 further PENETRATION w fast ACCELERATION tat'll build nxt GENERATION.*

-Nick-

complaint

2006-06-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

pissed off..

qing sms me to go drink. i pushed away all appointments coz i felt she prob needed someone to keep her company. being the usual mr. nice guy, i prepared myself to booze throughout the nite and turned down a fren's date. ended up exchanging hell loads of sms with qing and eventually landed at some freak coffeeshop drinking alone.

what the fucking fuck fuck.. nvm, although i strongly believed she should be out for a breather, i guessed she wun really listen.. who am i to her anyway?

.................................

waited whole day for her call, again.. coz she said she would call.. what the fuck again.. she totally forgot what she said to me last nite.. what the hell.. sianz.. i become fan jian and sms her, again.. not feeling well.. sms her a few times at night no reply.. said she would call later.. as usual.. what can i expect rite..

sometimes i wish i get drunk everyday, or more that she gets drunk daily.. at least i know she would definitely call me and talk.. she once said truth will only be spouted out when she's drunk.. and i wish to hear those words.. when she gets drunk and speak to me, i hear words that are so heartening and endearing from her.. but everytime she wakes, she treats me with a totally different attitude..

confused..

now that im blogging, i smsed her again.. she din reply.. my thoughts are running wild.. i dunno what she is doing.. i dunno where she is.. i dunno who she is with..

fuck, she not mine, but i have completely no idea why i get so upset when i dun get to hear from her.. i need to get a huge damn fucking break..

going bonkers..

my blog is no longer my usual kinda blog.. nothing poetic, only full of lamenting and disgusting cheesy woes and complaints.. i feel like a fucking bitch.. a fucking gu niang..

fuck.. really fuck.. fuck fuck fuck..

*a total dick*

-fucking Nick-

sigh

2006-06-05T01:45:00.000+08:00

thomas had problem.. jio me go drink just now.. went there drank like crazy..
went lips after tt.. just to see her.. she looks gorgeous, to me at least.. as usual.. left the place after 15min..

reached home go online only qing started pouring her heart to me..

headache..

*waiting for her call*

-Nick-

2006-06-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

我想通了，我会振作，我没事了!

nostalgia

2006-06-04T11:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a rather lonely day to begin with. Sms many ppl to go out. But everyone is either with their bf or gf. I hate weekends. Couples everywhere on the street no matter where u go. wtf...

went bugis. had xiao long bao at foodcourt. went teenage cafe for coffee. den went apple strudel for peach tea. they played rain's music again. ok, not too bad of so called "kick ass" music. ate pasta bolognese at pastamania, boat quay. had red wine at chocolate factory by the river. great view, great breeze, great memories.. nostalgic..

went drinking at all sort of places thereafter u can imagine.
ryan jio me go dbl O. fuck, din wana go coz i already planned to spend whole nite at wild, but fuck again, realised she's not working there tonite! guessed she was at lookers. sms her, and yups. she was.
ok, ended up in dbl O finally.

long time no chiong. not too bad really. had fun. but the crowd was disgustingly massive.
i hoped to see her, so sms her to meet after her work. no reply. nvm, she called at about 3. over the moon. but she was pissed off. at what? she said i make her worry. but am i? i'm honestly just chionging with my frens on a saturday nite leh. im not like drinking to my sorrows or what lo.. haiz, she mistook me..

i admit i miss her and love her still, but i go chiong and drink is just coz its a saturday chill out nite, not coz im upset over our breakup.. *swear*....

on the way home and jeslin was no where in sight.. dunno where the fuck she went, prob with ryan.. messy.. decided not to bother.. took nightrider home.. reached yishun den took cab.. fuck! car crash! ccb! i injured my leg.. went hospital.. doc says i need to stay on for hospitalisation.. fuck.. i insisted on out-patient status.. argued till 9plus before they agreed to let me home.. knn, waste money on medical fees..

reached home at 11.. now wobbling slightly coz of the freaking accident.. knn.. and i cant sleep..

..............................................

she told me the nite before she will call me when she woke. i waited the whole damn day at bugis for her call. finally she did after i sms her at nite to find out where she would be.. lol.. guess im not really too important in her life anymore..

why am i so gaga over her? im honestly not like tat when it comes to girls. i swear i can get over girls fast. but not her.. nope, i dun think i will for a long time..

"memories will stay though the physical presence is gone..
once u've love u'll always love..
the love remains with the heart in place.."

-Nick-

ps: my dear girl, i hope u'll be reading this.. come on la.. i dunno why u reacted like tat last nite.. i wasn't drunk, but i was high.. coz chionging is all abt getting high and enjoying the music ma! i never did lie to u.. i do treasure u and hell i miss u yes.. but im not gonna be crazy as to lose myself to sorrows.. i'll only love and cherish myself even more.. like i do cherish u in my life as a friend.. if only u understand.. by the way, my smses to u last nite was heartfelt and true to my heart.. if only u would.. i will stand by my words..

2006-06-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

Love sometimes seems like a big lie..
Love is always a huge burden..
But all the more i wana love..
And all the more i wana be loved..

Loving her doesn't mean i must be there..
Loving her doesn't mean i must be heard..
Loving her doesn't mean i must possess..

Loving her more with each day..

*deep thoughts*

-Nick-

questions

2006-06-02T00:42:00.000+08:00

why do i find my life revolving around her?
is this the real love?
am i missing out some detail all this while?
is she feeling the same way too?
why is she ignoring everything?
why does she only say things that i yearn to hear only in the middle of the nite when she's drunk or when she see me upset?
can i get her back?
will she come back to me if i wait?
why am i behaving like this?

Deep thoughts

2006-06-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

Honesty is such a lonely word..
Everyone is so untrue..
I dun want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies..
All i want is someone true to me..

Loneliness is such a sad affair..
What can i say to make u come back again to me?
Dun u remember u told me u love me baby?

I can give u security till the end..
Is there someone who can give me honesty to eternity?
Honesty is hardly ever known, and mostly what i want from u..

Lay your troubles on my shoulders..
Put your worries in my pocket..
Rest your love on me while..

Baby, baby, baby, I love u, i really do..

*rather sad*

-Nick-

happy

2006-06-01T11:47:00.000+08:00

thinking of her makes my day..
seeing her makes me sway..
laughing with her makes me gay..
being with her really pays..

-Nick-

i do

2006-05-31T11:13:00.000+08:00

she did not reply me after all. told me she'll call after work. awaited her call last nite. she replied only after i first took the initiative to get to her. has she really given up all what we both used to treasure together? i did not sleep the whole nite. this morning turned out to be a sucky day. i woke hoping to see her usual sms. but sadly, no sms from her at all. i guess.. arrgh.. i dunno what im doing..

Hurting another doesn't mean u wish to,
Hurting oneself doesn't mean u want to,
Saying i do, doesn't mean u meant to,
Saying i'm not yours, hopefully, doesn't mean true..

-Nick-

naked adversary

2006-05-31T03:51:00.000+08:00

"A Wretched Soul,
Bruised with Adversity,
We Bid Quiet When We Hear it Cry.

But Were We Burdened With Weight of Pain,
Far from lonely, As Much or More,
We Shall Ourselves Complain..

And Thus I Clothed My Naked Villiany,
With Old Odd Ends, Stol'n Forth of Holy Wit,
To be Seen a Saint When Most I Play The Devil."

heartbroken

2006-05-31T03:47:00.000+08:00

i tried to run away,
i'm tired..
i tried different methods to avoid them,
but they always find me in the end..
my tears.. and my wretched, broken heart..

*heartbroken.. she dun miss me no more*

-Useless pathetic Nick-

scared

2006-05-31T03:44:00.000+08:00

i'm so afraid
the whole world caved in on me
they all abandoned me
there's no one here with me
dun be like them
dun leave me here
im alone
pls dun abandon me
pls save me
pls dun hate me
im so afraid.

-Nick-

idiot

2006-05-31T03:13:00.000+08:00

last nite was a crazy nite. all i wanted to do, was to go down to my usual nitespot for a drink, of course inkling with the idea of seeing her there. i did. she looked exceptionally gorgeous to me, i have no idea why. i guess i do miss her afterall.

so much so for saying "i'm ok with it".

i'm an idiot.

she cut her arm with a razor. and she cried.
i burned my arm with my fags. and i cried.

what was going on? i dun wana stress her. but i want to be with her. i want to be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug and snuggle to sleep, a pair of hands to hold on to when she felt like she's falling.. she will find one.. soon i hope.. me i hope..

i'm damn fan jian.

i miss her. i went to run again at 10pm just now. in my mind i just kept thinking about her.

"everywhere i go, everywhere i stay, i can see your eyes, each time it burn...
every step u take, every move u make, i can feel your warmth, each time it snows...
time, will heal any pain, tats what they say...
but i, would give anything, to have u come again, come again, and again..."

my arm hurt. fucking cigarette marks. no idea why i actually went to burn myself. the boils are painful and ugly. i was found at the void deck with such marks, ppl prob thought i was a lunatic. no matter, i dun care anyway..

yr wounds hurt i know, but it hurts me more inside..

pls dun cry, pls dun hurt yrself, i will feel hurt...

i miss u still, do u?
i love u still, do u?

-Nick-

hurt

2006-05-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

please dun hurt yourself. it pains me to see u doing this. please, it is all my fault. i shouldn't have been such an idiot. please love yourself. i'll always be there for u. i'll always be at the doorstep with my arms wide open waiting to embrace u again. i'll always cherish the thought of being the key to open up all the locked doors in your heart.

*still loving u, ever so deeply*

-Nick-

2006-05-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

They say things happen overnight. i couldn't agree more. the 20min we spent together in the cab just 2 days ago was the most amazing and sweetest moment we had together since we first got together. i wished to think of that moment as the moment where we showed each other our most true feelings..

Things seem to get back on track. But just one incident happened tat night, added a whole mountain of misery to my already cursed life. my over reaction was some part intrigued by a stab to my pride, as a boyfriend and as a man. but i guessed as what was said to me, it seemed as though it was only a one-sided affair all this while? i was stunned. i was devastated. i was hurt, deeply.

i wished i can turn back the hands of time, not to where we first started out. but to the the point in time where she has yet to feel any hurt caused by anyone. i see her dwelling in the past, even though she shows a strong front.

why dun u truly let go of the past? why dun u let me be your shelter where u can hide? why dun u run into my arms each time u are sad? why dun u want to hold my hands and laugh with me when u are happy? why do u still want to put up a strong front? why do u not want to have trust and faith and love in me? why do u not want to commit to me? why are u so scared to be with me? why are u so attractive? why am i so into u? why is it i cried over us when i no longer did so for any other girl anymore? why am i so silly? why am i asking so many why? why ar?

ok, asking why is stupid.. its irritating the shit out of me.. i feel so much better already.. just like letting all shit out.. (what a pun..) =)

*eating nuggets in bed, drinking iced milo, smoking viceroy menthol lights.. feeling ever so contented and blissful.. it'll feel better and more complete if we are doing these little things together side by side..*

-Nick-

Memories

2006-05-28T13:15:00.000+08:00

although it was a short span of togetherness, fond memories will always remain..

Every summer has a winter,
Like autumn has its falling leaves..

Every bit of unhappiness has its endearing moments,
Like every sad story has a sweet twist..

Every relationship has an end,
Like all good things will perish..

They can take away my everything,
But they cant take my heart away..

-Nick-

Wretched

2006-05-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

plenty of feel to blog today.. 2nd blog of the day after a great night of massive boozing and yupz.. tearing..

Bridges have burned, mountains have fallen..
Sorrows have gone, gone in the wind that blows north cold..
The rain is pouring over me, I can feel the essence of pain..

Resurrection is the best way to curb this tragedy..
I will be led to another land, with the hope of u getting the greener pasture..
Though my heart yearns to stay, it will no longer be endeared..

This heart of mine belongs to u, it will follow u..
This soul of mine cherish, it will always watch over u from afar..

-Wretched Nick-

Her

2006-05-28T11:46:00.000+08:00

She was never mine..
Though i tried but her heart has faded..
Like the autumn leaves,
That fall and give way to the harsh winter..

My life is once again missing the spark..
The moments seem no more..
All was but a mere dream that ended,
In tears and hatred and disgust..

I wish not this to happen,
But happened it did..
She is not mine no longer,
Though i'm hers, always and completely..

-Sad Nick-

I see light...

2006-05-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

a slow jog to the seaside has always been the best thing whenever i feel moody.. going to the beach, feeling the breeze, embracing the warmth of the setting sun, listening to the sound of the gentle waves splashing against the edges of the jetty and of course the scenic view of the sunset.. endearing..

i guess i was just being over zealous about the whole damn thing.. shouldn't be too rushed into things.. there i am again, getting my heart into my brain, getting my thoughts proper estrangled with my fogged up feelings..

a true blue cancerian some called me.. i guessed the truth speaks for itself, in a way.. i've come to a conclusion.. that i must be myself.. the true person i am.. positive, brimming with energy and hope, forever laughing, fearing nothing, loving myself, loving my family, loving my friends, and most importantly, loving her..

i wrote in an sms last nite.. that loving another needs no reason, loving another is untimely, loving another is ultimate selflessness, loving another is sacrifice, loving another is being myself, allowing her to be herself, allowing us to be our true selves when we are together, loving another is to make sure she is happy, loving another is to be by her side when she is not, and loving her (which i learnt from her) is about loving myself.. because, loving myself, will make her happy, is the best way to love her..

my dearest, u know who u are.. i've thought it through.. i've a clear picture of where i am heading in this relationship with u.. i wun bear to change u, i wun bear for u to change for me just to make me happy.. i want u to enjoy life.. have a great and beautiful life..

u are so right that we are not living in our own 2-person world, that things are never as easy as it seems.. this sentence has knocked great sense into me.. i believe that love is actually real simple, just that all this while people have been making it real complicated.. i want to make our love real simple.. and ever so heartening..

this relatively few days with u makes me feel so enclosed in a totally different way.. i guess its coz its been so some time i'm in love with another.. and it happened like.. like.. a tsunami (u said it)? but i realised that with u around me, im learning loads from u.. and so ever enjoying every min of it..

i was a dickhead.. i became a jealous idiot.. no more such nonsense.. i respect u, i trust u, and i love u.. i truly and sincerely hoped we can go a much longer way, and cross any obstacles that come in our way.. i want to be yr guy, yr best fren, yr soulmate.. i want u to feel comfortable around me.. baby im sorry, forgive this idiot.. i love u andrea deary..

别人能说我傻，但我只是直拙。。。
我宁可爱错，也不肯错过。。。
爱真的很简单，就让我们简单地爱一场。。。
宝贝，我爱你，真的。。。

Personification

2006-05-24T08:38:00.000+08:00

it was a truly amazing night ytd. qing, hua and i basicall made a huge mockery (in our own 3 persons world) outta this company we were previously with. impersonation of the DBLs there really kicked ass. btw, DBL stands for Damn Bloody Losers. honestly, last night was better than having drugs. better den my usual alcohol intoxication. in fact, i even thought it was better den having sex.

why cant ppl wake up their ideas and get a really huge grip in their lives? not that im reallly capable of doing tat, but bare minimum i dun really stoop so low as to plead with them for an audition to become a so called recording artistes.

so, they so called got me through vocal training for 2 months? but the 2 months were honestly quite screwed up. chopped lessons, endless "come lets talk abt passion" speeches. fuck. i still think my vocals are shit natural the way they are, good or bad, and nothing to do with the so called vocal training. (mind u, i dun want ppl to think that with my lousy voice, i was actually previously affliated to them.. we were family right? cant bear to tarnish their name. *shit feel like puking*)

i fucking need to go give tuition now. qing and hua, wana ask u guys, can we do it again soon? pretty please..

Love?

2006-05-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

Love.. is of grace and purity..
Love.. embraces and overwhelms..

Yet..
Love.. transient and deceives..
Love.. the biggest deceit of life..

Love Is..
Our greatest enemy..
My greatest fear..

~Nick~

Life..

2006-05-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

Life's a total mockery..
It sends out rigorous waves of withdrawn happiness..
Only for us to be drown in ripples of endless sorrow..

Life's a total menace..
We surf in its endless waves of resounding tenacity..
Only to be tattered by torrid storms of fear..

Life consumes your hope..
Life sucks dry your soul..
Life assumes control, and it'll never let go..

~Nick~

Girl

2006-05-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

i dream of u..

I knew i had the feeling for you..
The day u seem to appear through the morning dew..
A fantasy i created..
In e mind where hopes and dreams pleated..

A place not mild your looks so wild,
Your mazy locks with your frenzy flocks..
Your eyes so dreamy your sassy beauty..
I got hooked on e moment aplenty..

Although we speak nought to each other,
I know deep down we ponder..
Our inner thoughts and feelings meet and intertwined,
Like strawberries and chocolate vines..

I know this feeling, and u know it better..
U are the provocation of this sparkling revolutionary endeavour..

I love u..

~Nick~

Thinking of U

2006-05-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

u appear in my mind everywhere i go..

I look into e blue skies with mellow streaks..
Watching it turn crimson red with e lazy sun..
e scarlet horizon scantily clad with e emergence of blinking stars..
Such a beautiful sight beholds a picture of the perfect u..
My heart, mind and soul get lifted with every presence of u..

~Nick~

I Love U

2006-05-20T15:34:00.000+08:00

For "U know who u are"..

I love the serenity We enjoy together..
I love the joy U bring to Me..
I love the way I make U smile..
I love the way I make U feel like a complete woman..
I love the way U make Me whole..
I love the way U fulfil the true meaning of togetherness ..
I love having the dream I've been yearning for ages..
I love U, is something I'm dying to say to U..

But I love U, is something I cant bear to say to U..

Because U are the reason..Because U are the happiness..
Because U are the woman..
Because U are the one I do not want to lose,
By saying something stupid, like I LOVE U..

~Nick~

Empty Dreams

2006-05-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

The dream of success surfaced yet,
With the thought of fruitful bet..

Yet darkness drew,
Dreadness brew,
What such incantentment blew?

I fear the worst,
I dread the fears,
But fool I was (I still am),
Into the gallows ahead, where fear awaits..

The gallows breeds of foully filth,
Stick in the mud, a bloody brute..
Ahead I move to the deadly route,
Awaiting lays the cunning loot..

Luring loot, following foot,
Insistent I was, on two foot..
"Watch Out!" are the cries of many,
Burning fool, into passion of phoney..
Disgrace I became,Disgrace I am lain..

~Nick~

Foolishness

2006-05-20T01:27:00.000+08:00

For my family and good buddies.. A mere parchment of the indebtedness i owe u out there..

There is a fog or maybe just a bog,
Inexplicably I fade to mist, as much as i pray for bliss.
Vanish and vanquished,
Gone is the flame and fiery fiest within.

Is it the day i yearn? Could it be the night i earned?
I m but a little child, wishing to be in Wonderland.
But be darkly dressed and pathed,
Slumbering thoughts and a cumbering fall i took.

I evade your invading eyes and piercing words,
Matching them with easy defining turds.
Thought as i would, miracle to exist as hope should,
Darkness schemes and overwhelming it could.

A falling leaf and a shimmering clive,
My eye's distracted, as i merge with restless intricaments.
Begone i say! Away i protested!
Evil lurks and never leaves.

I know what emptiness is,
A space so hollow, its own walls swallowed.
A place so intense, a place so consuming,
I... really know emptiness...

Each hour more bottomless than the last,
Your heart cries out, howls of forfeiture.
But it will be nothing,
Only ashen silence and shuddering deafness.

My wail echoes to the ends of time,
Hoping to fill the gaping void with endless howls of desolation.
But the well of my soul, helpless and hapless,
Even the proud and mighty Siberian wolves hang their heads in sickly pitiance.

Then, only then Might you detect my footprints, indistinct perhaps,
BUt trying to make their way to the track of new beginnings.
Mark the completion of morning dew,
The day my repentance sounds resonant.

I Jerk from my sleep sometimes,
Hoping to find someone warm beside my pillow.
The day never really did come,
Only days with cold perspirations and dawns of lonely puffs of immolation.

I wish to find a moment in time,
To find that close i were to the brink of the abyss,
To know what is really missing,
And what life is.

I m sorry my dear friends.
To Deaf ears i fell,
Into the dark pit of endless falling.
Till the end is near, may i only find truth and sense.

~Nick~

In yr debt forever.. In Trust and eternal gratitude..

Forgive Me

2006-05-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

A whirlwind of thoughts, confusions of fog..
Love and hope U gave, a jewelled life bestowed upon..
But tired I feel, lost i truly am..

Loneliness brews, fatigue grew..
Strong is not a word to define reality...
For the stem creeps, yearning a retreat..

Be afraid, be really afraid...
At least this bolds the fact that drew from within..

I want to fly like Peter Pan, to a world with no beginnings..
Hands in hands we shall go, to never ending lands...

Yet Never knew I'll feel like this..
A pain this deep, sorrow creep..

Your hurt arose from my lies,
But my lies surfaced from the love so dry..

Baby, I've cut u deep,Baby, I've hurt u cheap..
I wish to say I'm sorry, Admist your claim of a cover-up story..

If only my sufferings can give u happiness,
I am willing to lay my undying love at yr feet..

Go through endless darkness,
For u to remunerate in eternal light and love..

Scared i may be, venture out i should...
But pull back I will, sorry i feel..

Baby, I'm truly sorry, please Forgive me..

~Nick~

Just, You

2006-05-20T01:16:00.000+08:00

sweet nostalgia..

It's JUST a little something,
A little something that tingles in me..

It's JUST this feeling,
A feeling that is evolving in me..

It's JUST a somebody,
A somebody called you..

It's JUST you, i think,
You who make My heart Tingles every time i see You..
You who make Me Feel the meaning of JUST being You and Me..
You who make Me Evolve into this creature that depreciates without You..

Well, it's JUST You..

~Nick~

I love u is total crap..

2006-05-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

I love u
I really love u
I really really love u
I honestly love u
I really honestly love u
but i also love other alphabets

~Nick~

Silently Missing You

2006-05-20T01:13:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i'm thinking of u again..

Misty night, Feisty night
A moon of love that blossomed bright
I seek your heart through a burning pike
But hindered am i by your prickling spike

~Nick~

Fear

2006-05-20T01:12:00.000+08:00

The winds of darkness blow cold and harsh
Fallen leaves cackle in the dying marsh
I dream of shadows that looms within
Estrangling and choking in the mist of shivering cringe

~Nick~

L O V E

2006-05-20T01:07:00.000+08:00

where are u?

There's a danger in loving someone too much..
It's worse when u know it's your heart u cant trust..

If we were both born in another place and time..
This moment might end us in a kiss..
A kiss that says u are mine..

But there u are with yours..
Here I am, sadly, with none..

I guess we would, at least I think u do,
Be leaving things like this, as it always had been..

I wish to hang around longer..
I wish to be your blogger..
To blog and plot your life, with mine, as time goes by..

I hate to think that u believe..
That we both have different ways to go..
Coz I believe there's something u really ought to know..

It is pure and simple..
Yet it is better left unsaid..
But its in my eyes when I chose to look at u..
It is something u realised..

I love u..
I honestly love u..

~Nick~

FORGED IDENTITY

2006-05-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

There's something in my heart
That i never realised
That something that has been choking me for a while
Something you made me feel so strongly about the things i've done

Against the odds in my troubled life
I wana break my vows and let hell break loose
My sorrow, my pain and the everything that hurts
They surfaced and scorched me like burning flames

I wana feel sorry
I am truly sorry
But your words that pierced
A thousand stings unrivalled

I wana say sorry
I am truly sorry
But my sincerity
Has been treated like ingenuity

-Nick-

Broken Heart..

2006-05-20T01:03:00.001+08:00

A tear u left in a wisp of mist
A blow u drew nay from fist
Though e anger drew within
Thou shant never be with sin

A tear I wept U will come in sync
Tears I will wipe off the brink
Never will I want u in tears
Nor will I want to feel the pierce

I learnt not to love a love that hurts
I learnt not to hurt a love that loves

Once u have loved U will always love
For what's in yr mind may escape
But what's in yr heart will remain Always & Ever..

~Nick~

Boredom

2006-05-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

damn bored.. thinking of her again.. fuck.. here goes...

The sky grows dark
The wind goes hark
Feel my heart of mist
Enroute the fading list

~Nick~